dude, so 2013 is shaping up to be a very interesting year. a year unlike any other i’ve experienced. the more it unravels the more i think, holy shit! sounds ominous, i know. but it’s not. it’s more like me stepping back and wondering and marvelling at how amazing and fucked up life can be.
i felt deep in my bones that 2013 would be a good turn around year for us. and i still believe that to be true. the momentum, the energy it all feels different. better. but strange. you know when you’re younger and you fantasize about being 21 or 25 or even 30? i feel like i have reached the age that a younger me couldn’t even comprehend. and now? wow. for lack of a better word, this shit is cray.
it’s not better or worse, but deeper. things have real consequences. things can get really hard. but then things can be so much more magical. there is more understanding. more epiphanies. more gratitude. life feels more fragile and durable all at the same time.
i realize i haven’t given any details. i think some of it is that i’m just so in the thick of things that by the time i’ve processed them enough to write about them, it’s onto the next thing. ya know? also, most things deserve to be private. we celebrated out 2 year wedding anniversary in march. and in those 2 years, i have been humbled and challenged more than i ever have in my life and i do feel richly rewarded. every now and then i really do sit back and marvel, wow we got through that? what else is in store!? i marvel that love (or possibly insanity) keeps bringing up back together, and i do feel like we are growing a great big solid oak tree of a marriage here.
when i set out to do something, i usually get very impatient and try to do everything all at once. and that is what it feels like right now. but in a good way. in a ‘holy crap, this shit might just actually work’ kind of way.
it’s exciting. and scary. and scary. and exciting.
right now, we’re just in the discovery phase of ‘the next step’, but for me that’s kind of the best part. when anything is possible! when i start to craft plan B, plan C, and plan D.
so wish us luck. wish us wisdom and courage.
Inspired by WordPress’ Daily Prompt: Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.
When I lived on the East Coast, I had the pleasure of experiencing something most native Californians never get to experience – A Snow Day! It was awesome! A random day off because of extreme weather. A day off in the middle of the week! It was restful, fun, and totally invigorating and energizing. Talk about freedom!
I always thought it sucked that we couldn’t get a day off because of extremely nice weather. So that would be my holiday. A play hooky, guilt-free indulgent day in the sun. Or rain, if that’s more your thing.
A day where if you wake up and see that the weather at the beach is perfect that day, you can pack a picnic, pull the kids out of school, tell your husband not to go into work and you head to the beach. It would be neat if everyone on their Sunny Day Holiday wore a crown or something to signify, ‘I’m celebrating my free day!’ People would give you high-fives and wish you a ‘Happy Sunny Day!”
And eating ice cream would be highly recommended.
If you’re more into rainy days, and wanted to pick a day that’s grey and thunderstormy, go for it! Go outside and splash in puddles. Come back in and take a long, hot bath and drink hot toddies by the fireplace.
It would be nice that not everyone celebrated their holiday on the same day. Throughout the year, it would be nice to hear everyone’s stories on what they did on their Sunny Day Holiday. And you wouldn’t have to worry about long lines or traffic or big crowds. The rest of the world would be going on while you could press pause on your normal responsibilities and enjoy the extremely good weather.
being a perfectionist totally sucks because you can never be happy. i look back at march and see all the workouts i missed, the same 7 pounds i keep losing and finding, the chores i have yet to cross of my list. but then i remember:
- i do have a semi-regular habit of going to the gym now. i am loving U-Jam and found out there is another class offered at a time convenient to me! and i’m picking up running again. it’s slow to be sure, but still it feels good.
- i’m eating a ton more fruit and vegetables than i was before. my mainly vegetarian routine during the workweek coupled with my new fascination with juicing have totally amped up the fresh produce consumption. so while the weight loss is super slow, i do know i am doing great things for my body.
- buying 2 new ipads put a damper on our savings this month, but it has allowed us to Facetime with the inlaws, which my husband and his parents thoroughly enjoy. so the money was definitely worth it. and it feels wonderful to be able to treat my husband’s parents to a nice gift after all they’ve done for us.
- we really have saved a good deal this year. for the most part, we can bank half of our salary. that’s pretty huge if you ask me.
so honestly, not a total loss in any department.
there’s not much in april that seems to excite me. we’ve got 2 big trips in may so i think i just want the days in april to hurry up already. but that’s no way to live life, so i’d like to think of some goals to help april feel more meanintful…
soon after i wrote my last post, i felt better. it was like i had released this buzzing energy inside me and once it was gone i was more calm. and focused. i didn’t have some epiphany about how i was going to get more time except that i already had the time all along. i didn’t need more, i just had to use what i have.
but it’s just funny how emotions, hormones, stress can make the simplest things so difficult in your mind. and how trapped you can feel within the personal hell you’ve built in your head. thankfully, i’m over that for now. i hate being emo.
you know that saying, ‘you’re not bored, you’re boring’? i’m so afraid that’s true because lately i’ve just been bored out of my mind. same. thing. every. day. i just can’t seem to get a hard on for anything lately, unless it is something out of the ordinary. while i enjoy the comforts of routine, it bores me to tears.
some days i can switch it up and try a new makeup look. or i’ll have a little pep in my step from wearing a new shirt. or i’ll get excited about a new recipe to try. but for the most part everything feels so monotonous. then the weekend comes, but for the most part i’ve got some commitment to either my family or my husband.
i think what i crave most is some quality me time. which is kind of ridiculous because i have a fair amount of free time.
part of it is that my favorite part of the day is morning. and most days i’ve got to spend my mornings working for the man. my weekend mornings are awesome, but not enough apparently. part of me feels trapped in all of the responsibility i have, which i shouldn’t be complaining about ’cause i’m childless here. but between work, my mom and family, and my husband, it really is hard to carve out special, productive me time when i’m not just exhausted and want to veg.
so what can i do? that is my problem to solve.
today, you look great! you will have a productive day at work and the hours will fly by. you will feel full and energized by your healthy eating choices today. your husband will call to tell you he loves you and your mom will be feeling better and eating more today. you will have a great short run on the treadmill and a super fun time at your dance class. you’ll finish your day by walking the dog and enjoying a relaxing hot shower. you will go to bed rested and feel grateful for your happy, blessed life.
i know i’m going to sound like i’m in a cult or something, but this juice thing is awesome! i feel fantastic. and today i haven’t had the same hunger pangs like i have the last two days. i made it safely to noon without wanting to gnaw my arm off and i only had 2 juices. for lunch i wanted to walk, but i also decided i wanted tuna sashimi. so i did both. i know tuna is not a vegetable, but my leg muscles feel sore so i thought i’d give them some protein. plus honestly, 7 pieces of ahi tuna is in no way unhealthy. okay so maybe the miso soup i had was unnecessary and i ate the complementary edamame that they put in my bag. but in the grand scheme of things, better than taco bell and i swear i really feel like i needed protein.
the rest of the day went pretty well except that when i got home i parked myself in front of the tv. which i’m not supposed to be doing. but my intention was to watch the last night’s recorded modern family. except it was a rerun. but i was already comfy on the couch and the tv was already on HGTV…so there i sat for about 2 hours vegging.
which isn’t horrible, but do you know how many food related commercials come on in 2 hours? too many. plus my mom was making dinner and she dipped into our new box of veggie chips. grrr. i ate 2 bags. shortly after i realized i needed to park myself away from the boob tube.
not too much damage was done though, as i’m a down another 1.4 pounds. that’s a total of 6.8 pounds in 3 days for those counting at home. i could maybe break 10 pounds by monday morning? talk about motivation for being good this weekend, which is a notoriously hard time for me to eat healthy.
i didn’t work out this morning, since my achilles heels needed some rest. i may attempt another ujam class tonight depending on when the hubby gets off of work and how i feel. but so far my energy and mood have been pretty high.
apparently, 2.4 is the magic number because that’s the poundage i’m down from yesterday. 2.4 is now my favorite number. it’s crazy ’cause i’m already 10% to my goal. now i know i won’t drop 2.4 pounds every day, but it’s a great boost. when i feel like breaking fast, i’ll repeat to myself “2.4″ though to be honest, i’ve eaten something in the last 2 days i’ve been on the ‘fast’. the first day i finished the english muffin i had in the fridge at work and a salad that i needed to eat before it went bad. and yesterday, i didn’t get all my juices in before taking my mom to costco, so while she ate a polish hot dog and a churro, i had a chicken casesar, sans chicken, and minimal caesar. and let me say it felt really good to chew food. and have something savory. i don’t think salads will eff me up in the long run. in fact they may help me keep my sanity. did i just say salads will help keep me sane? oy vey.
this morning when i got up around 4, i hemmed and hawed about whether to go to the gym. then i decided eff it, i feel good now so go. going in the morning will make you feel better all day. so i went. i tried to stick to a walk 5, run 1 ratio, but then really good songs would come up on my pandora: push it, my prerogative, pour some sugar on me…can you tell i am a teen of the 90s? anyway, it’s impossible not to have more pep in your step when those tunes come on. and in those brief moments where i was running and singing to myself i remembered that feeling. that awesome-kick-ass-i-am-running-god-damnit feeling. it. was. awesome. i finished 2 miles in about 35 minutes and left with a glow (or was that sweat?) did i mention i felt awesome.
so now i’m sipping on a blueberry lemonade concoction. since my mom and i went shopping last night i had to clear out the random odds and ends of frozen fruit i had in the freezer to make way for the new stuff- cherries, blackberries, blueberries, mango. i had some frozen spinach and kale to use up too. so it all went in either the blender of the juicer. i have to say pulverizing food is very cathartic. i don’t know what it says about me that i like the sound of that motor whirring and that blade chopping that ish up to bits. i also love that i can put the whole lemon in the juicer. the tart juice i have today should be a nice complement to the leftover juice i have from yesterday. maybe then i won’t get so bored drinking juice.