dude, so 2013 is shaping up to be a very interesting year. a year unlike any other i’ve experienced. the more it unravels the more i think, holy shit! sounds ominous, i know. but it’s not. it’s more like me stepping back and wondering and marvelling at how amazing and fucked up life can be.

i felt deep in my bones that 2013 would be a good turn around year for us. and i still believe that to be true. the momentum, the energy it all feels different. better. but strange. you know when you’re younger and you fantasize about being 21 or 25 or even 30? i feel like i have reached the age that a younger me couldn’t even comprehend. and now? wow. for lack of a better word, this shit is cray.

it’s not better or worse, but deeper. things have real consequences. things can get really hard. but then things can be so much more magical. there is more understanding. more epiphanies. more gratitude. life feels more fragile and durable all at the same time.

i realize i haven’t given any details. i think some of it is that i’m just so in the thick of things that by the time i’ve processed them enough to write about them, it’s onto the next thing. ya know? also, most things deserve to be private. we celebrated out 2 year wedding anniversary in march. and in those 2 years, i have been humbled and challenged more than i ever have in my life and i do feel richly rewarded. every now and then i really do sit back and marvel, wow we got through that? what else is in store!? i marvel that love (or possibly insanity) keeps bringing up back together, and i do feel like we are growing a great big solid oak tree of a marriage here.

Inspired by WordPress’ Daily Prompt: Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.

When I lived on the East Coast, I had the pleasure of experiencing something most native Californians never get to experience – A Snow Day! It was awesome! A random day off because of extreme weather. A day off in the middle of the week! It was restful, fun, and totally invigorating and energizing. Talk about freedom!

I always thought it sucked that we couldn’t get a day off because of extremely nice weather. So that would be my holiday. A play hooky, guilt-free indulgent day in the sun. Or rain, if that’s more your thing.

A day where if you wake up and see that the weather at the beach is perfect that day, you can pack a picnic, pull the kids out of school, tell your husband not to go into work and you head to the beach. It would be neat if everyone on their Sunny Day Holiday wore a crown or something to signify, ‘I’m celebrating my free day!’ People would give you high-fives and wish you a ‘Happy Sunny Day!”

And eating ice cream would be highly recommended.

If you’re more into rainy days, and wanted to pick a day that’s grey and thunderstormy, go for it! Go outside and splash in puddles. Come back in and take a long, hot bath and drink hot toddies by the fireplace.

It would be nice that not everyone celebrated their holiday on the same day. Throughout the year, it would be nice to hear everyone’s stories on what they did on their Sunny Day Holiday. And you wouldn’t have to worry about long lines or traffic or big crowds. The rest of the world would be going on while you could press pause on your normal responsibilities and enjoy the extremely good weather.

soon after i wrote my last post, i felt better. it was like i had released this buzzing energy inside me and once it was gone i was more calm. and focused. i didn’t have some epiphany about how i was going to get more time except that i already had the time all along. i didn’t need more, i just had to use what i have.

duh.

but it’s just funny how emotions, hormones, stress can make the simplest things so difficult in your mind. and how trapped you can feel within the personal hell you’ve built in your head. thankfully, i’m over that for now. i hate being emo.

you know that saying, ‘you’re not bored, you’re boring’? i’m so afraid that’s true because lately i’ve just been bored out of my mind. same. thing. every. day. i just can’t seem to get a hard on for anything lately, unless it is something out of the ordinary. while i enjoy the comforts of routine, it bores me to tears.

some days i can switch it up and try a new makeup look. or i’ll have a little pep in my step from wearing a new shirt. or i’ll get excited about a new recipe to try. but for the most part everything feels so monotonous. then the weekend comes, but for the most part i’ve got some commitment to either my family or my husband.

i think what i crave most is some quality me time. which is kind of ridiculous because i have a fair amount of free time.

part of it is that my favorite part of the day is morning. and most days i’ve got to spend my mornings working for the man. my weekend mornings are awesome, but not enough apparently. part of me feels trapped in all of the responsibility i have, which i shouldn’t be complaining about ’cause i’m childless here. but between work, my mom and family, and my husband, it really is hard to carve out special, productive me time when i’m not just exhausted and want to veg.

so what can i do? that is my problem to solve.

today, you look great! you will have a productive day at work and the hours will fly by. you will feel full and energized by your healthy eating choices today. your husband will call to tell you he loves you and your mom will be feeling better and eating more today. you will have a great short run on the treadmill and a super fun time at your dance class. you’ll finish your day by walking the dog and enjoying a relaxing hot shower. you will go to bed rested and feel grateful for your happy, blessed life.