i find it downright miraculous that despite my chubbiness and family history of diabetes, i am healthy. cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure all check out super healthy. my doctor has even said that despite being obese, despite the stress i’ve been under, that i do in fact have a healthy glow. maybe she was being kind, but i took it to heart. and god bless him, my husband tells me how beautiful and sexy i am at least twice a day. i told myself i wasn’t going to add even more stress by going on a strict cold-turkey type diet. i told myself i had the time to make small changes to get my weight down gradually.

apparently, that time has run out.

now before you get all worried, i am okay. i am in no grave danger. <knock on wood>

but…

i did go to urgent care last night ’cause i had a sharp, localized pain on the right side of my chest that was both:

1. something i’ve never felt before and
2. not going away. even after over 24 hours.

it hurt to breathe. or laugh. and that just ain’t cool. after a series of questions and a quick examination, the doc figured it could be one or a combo of three things:

1. gas/acid reflux
2. a strained muscle from yelling and screaming and jumping around during sunday’s nfc championship game or
3. an issue with my gallbladder.

after being relieved it wasn’t my heart or lungs, i was slightly, very embarrassed that all 3 of these things could have been prevented if i wasn’t such a fat ass. finally, my chubby ways had caught up to me. and all i can say is thank god my wake up call was this and not a multitude of other things it could have been.

are you happy god? i’m listening. and thank you. truly, sincerely.

now before last night i knew nothing about a gallbladder except that it sounds like the least sexy part of the body. after neurotic extensive googling, i learned that the gallbladder is a small pear-shaped sac that stores bile for the liver. when your body senses there is food to digest, it releases the bile to help digest the fat. while you don’t need the gallbladder to live, it’s best to keep the one you’ve got functioning happily. your gallbladder can give you pain for a couple of reasons, the most common being gallstones -excess cholesterol that accumulates and crystallizes and gets lodged in the ducts the gallbladder uses to send bile to your digestive system. so i was right. it is the least sexy part of the body.

it isn’t yet confirmed what exactly is causing my pain. i have ruled out gas/acid reflux because i’ve taken all otc remedies and the pain persists. it may indeed be a strained muscle, and i’m using heat and tylenol to help with that. again, the pain persists. i’ve scheduled an appointment with my regular doc to investigate my sexy gallbladder. it will most likely involve an ultrasound and blood tests. it may even involve fun things like injecting me with radioactive dye!

but then again, it may not even be my gallbladder at all. my symptoms apparently mimic a lot of gastrointestinal issues, based on my obsessive quick googling. whatever the case is, there is no quick pill to fix it. unfortunately, or more accurately fortunately, the only thing i can do at this point is eat healthy. and i mean really healthy. high fiber, whole grains, lean protein, no processed foods. you know, all the shit i was supposed to be doing anyway.

*sigh*

this is not just for vanity anymore, folks. this is for realsies now. it sure beats medicine. and hands down beats any kind of surgery, even if i don’t technically need my gallbladder. i’ll hopefully know more after my doctor’s appointment on thursday.